Comparing Yourself

I know you’re not supposed to compare yourself and I know that I don’t know what everyone else has been through in their life, but lately I find that I’ve been comparing myself to a lot of people lately.

Yesterday was a REALLY bad day. I don’t know why. The best way I can explain it is that a dark cloud of depression moved over my head and it just stayed there until about 4:30 pm. My husband was concerned at one time because I just wasn’t myself. I was crying and I just felt very depressed. I’m sure part of it was because I hadn’t taken my meds yet for the day until about 2:30 pm when I finally had something to eat.

I think one of the reasons I felt the way I did was because I’ve been comparing myself to others a lot lately. Maybe it’s due to social media. Facebook and Twitter and all those other websites make it REALLY easy to compare yourself to others. Maybe i need to take a break from those websites.

Earlier this week I became friends on Facebook with an old classmate from Middle School and High School. He’s at least the second person i know of that I went to school with that has become a doctor (I’m sure there’s more). Out of all of the people that I know of that I went to high school with, they all of jobs they enjoy. They all are making a decent living. They have all bought a house, possibly not their first house, and they’ve moved and built their dream home. They drive nice cars, blah, blah, blah. I can’t think of any of my girl friends that I went to high school with that even have to work. They are able to be stay at home mom’s because their husband’s make enough money that they can afford that.

Now, granted, I don’t want to be a stay at home mom. I think I would get very bored with that. But we are apartment dwellers. There are paychecks where we are barely able to make ends meet. I have a job that I don’t like and I’m having to borrow my mom and dad’s car. Do I ever see myself having my dream job? Right now…no. My dream job is to be a personal trainer. At one time I was going to school to be a personal trainer. I LOVED it! But then…a family tragedy happened and school got put on the back burner. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming my lack of being able to go to school because of this family tragedy, because at least now, my step-kids (I call them my kids) are safe. But, I’m having to pay on student loans for a degree I didn’t finish (my Associate of Science for Personal training) and I’m so far behind on paying my student loans that I’m sure I won’t be able to go back to school any time soon.

I just sometimes feel like since the 17 years since I’ve graduated from high school, I just don’t have a whole lot to show for my life, you know? My husband has a good job in the field that he’s always wanted to be in…and I’m stuck in a call center job that is going nowhere. I get paid a little more than minimum wage to be yelled at for not having what the customer wants. Awesome, right? I’m always looking for a new job, for something I would enjoy more, but I have yet to find anything.

I’m trying to look at everything I do have. I have a loving husband that would do ANYTHING in the world for me, I have 2 kids (they are a trial sometimes), I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, and at least I have a job that brings money in. I don’t know if everybody else that I’m comparing myself to has trials and tribulations, but I would love to be in a home, be in a job that I love where I enjoy going to work every day, you know?

After a long nap yesterday, I was able to get myself together and be able to function and the dark cloud of depression seemed to move aside.

How do you keep from comparing yourself to others?

Taper Time

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I can’t believe it’s taper time for my marathon. My marathon is this coming Saturday the 18th. Training has gone by REALLY fast.

I have mixed feelings about this race. I feel ready, but i feel like i could’ve trained more on hills, & that’s my fault. I did some hill training, but not as much as i would’ve liked. I didn’t realize there were as many hills on this course as there are. Lol.

Right now I’m not nervous for the race & usually by this time i am. I’m sure come race day eve i won’t be able to sleep whatsoever.

One thing I’ve done differently with this training is I’ve listened to music while i run. For my other two marathons, I’ve trained without music because when i do triathlons, if it’s not a Sprint tri, usually the rules prevent you from listening to music on the run. Plus, when ever I’m able to do my full Ironman, you can’t listen to music during that race either. Well, some of my training runs have been so overwhelming, the only way to stay sane has been to listen to music. I plan on listening to music on race day too.

I do have a couple of rituals i plan on still doing before the race. I always eat a big pasta meal the night before & then for breakfast I’ll have a big bowl of oatmeal.

I plan on going in to this race not to beat any records, but to just finish & not finish last.

How do you handle tapering for a race? Do you have any race day eve or race day rituals?

Tattoo # 7

Yesterday i got tattoo # 7. This was by far the most painful tattoo I’ve ever gotten. I got a monkey on my left ankle.

I’ve got three tattoos on my back, one on each forearm & one on my right a ankle.

I figured since i had one on my right ankle & it didn’t hurt at all when i got it, then the one on my left ankle wouldn’t be too bad, but in hindsight, my newest one is lower on my ankle than the other one, so there is more bone & less “meat” to cushion the tattoo needle.

During this tattoo i felt super bad because my leg would involuntarily spasm. I don’t know if it was the way i was sitting or if it was because it hurt so bad or what, but holy hell!! My husband actually had to hold my leg down & put a lot of pressure on my leg to help prevent the spasms. My tattoo artist was awesome though. She did a great job.

So here is the finished project:

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I LOVE it!!!

What is the most painful tattoo you’ve got?

Sunday Runday

This last Sunday was one of my last long runs before i start tapering for my race on 4/18. I needed to run 20 miles.

Last week i finally remembered to look at the race course & i was in for a surprise. You have an overall gain of about 850 ft! The first 10 miles are uphill.  What the hell was i thinking?

I’ve been running some hills during this training, but probably not as much as i should have been.

So, this Sunday for my long run, i decided to run at a local park. This park has quite a few hills to it. Last time i ran these hills was 2 yrs before when i ran a 2:05 1/2 marathon. So, it’s been a day or 2 to say the least.

Wow, was this run tough. The first 3 miles were the toughest. They are the most mentally tough parts of the run for me. To keep my sanity i listened to music on this run. This park also has an outer loop & inner loop. I would switch between the 2 loops to break up the monotony.

After i got through the first 3 miles i was doing ok. I was still running slow, but considering how long it’s been since i ran hills, i was doing ok. Plus i could hear my coach in the back of my head “It doesn’t matter your pace, it matters the time on your feet”.

I was doing really good with fluid intake & nutrition. I thought it was pretty cool that i hadn’t had to pee (this will come back to bite me in the ass). Then mile 16 came & i got super sick & got the dry heaves. It slowed me down even more.

I managed to take another gel & push through to the end of the 20 miles.

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Normally when i run i like to go past the goal, even if it’s only by 0.1 miles, but not yesterday.

I got home & the husband had a protein shake ready for me so i downed that & then went & soaked in a hot shower. My. Body. Hurt. Bad.

As i was relaxing before dinner, I’d never felt so sick after a run before in my life. I ate dinner, but i was just still so sick.

Looking back, i think my electrolytes were out of whack. I had been drinking water on the run, but my body wasn’t absorbing it, hence i wasn’t peeing (TMI? Lol)

I just ended up nibbling on food & salty snacks the rest of the night.

Today i feel much better. Except I’m still in a little bit of pain.

This week is a recovery week, so this weekend i only have to run. So i only have to run 1:45. I’m looking forward to it.

Then im sure I’ll have 1 more long run before taper time.

How do you manage to run in the heat?

Trying on Dresses

If you read this post, you will know that i got married on Friday the 13th of February this year.

I thought bit by bit I’d do posts leading up to the big day. So this post I’ll talk about my dress.

At first there wasn’t going to be a dress. Rob said he was just going to wear one of his dress shirts & a nice pair of pants & i was going to do the same. Especially since this was all last minute.

Then we were at the mall & Rob saw a nice vest & matching tie that he thought he’d wear. So that sent me on the search for something a little more formal.

We went to Ross Dress For Less because they usually have evening gowns & nice dresses for cheap. I did find a dress there that i liked, but the zipper was stupid, so that didn’t happen.
While i was at work on Saturday, Rob & his son went & rented tuxedos. They were HOT looking. Fuchsia vest & tie with black pants & black shirt. That day they had found a cute dress for his daughter too that was more fitting our color scheme.

I was starting to get discouraged because everybody else had something new to wear & i had nothing.

I decided to make an appointment at David’s Bridal just to try on dresses & have the experience.

So, i checked out kid # 1 from school so she could go with me. I wanted her to be involved in the experience. My mom & dad came (Dad wasn’t invited), my friend Heather & my sister-in-law Lisa came to the appointment with me.

I knew going in to the appointment i wanted an empire waist dress. I knew that would be the most flattering on me. Because of all the weight I’ve lost, i now have a nice muffin top on my belly & that needed to be disguised in my dress.

So here are a couple of the dresses i tried on.

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This dress was just a no-go from the beginning. I just didn’t like how it looked at all.

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This dress was just as bad. The gather at the side i felt made me look VERY wide & who wants to look wide?

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This is the same dress as above, just a different view.

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I kind of actually liked this dress. However, it was too busy for me. It had too much going on. Plus, see all the lace up top? That was VERY itchy.

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This dress was the same dress that my friend Heather wore when she got married. I liked it & i liked that it was an ivory color, but i wanted a dress of my own.

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This dress was a VERY close runner up. I LOVED the simplicity of the dress. I loved the one jeweled pin at the bust & i liked how flowy it was. However, it just didn’t fit right.

I’ve debated showing you the dress i actually picked. But since some wedding pictures were already posted on Facebook i might as well share with you.

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This is MY dress & i LOVE it. I love the simplicity of it. I’m a very simple dresser. I don’t like a lot of embellishment. This dress fit to a T. It took me a while to decide on this dress. This was actually the first dress i tried on & at first i wasn’t in love with it. I kept waiting to cry when i found the dress but that just didn’t happen. But it’s the dress that looked the best on me.

Stay tuned for another post soon about the day of & the ceremony.

National Pancake Day

I love stupid little holidays like this. I think they’re so fun to celebrate. So when i found out today was National Pancake Day, we changed up the dinner menu & had pancakes for dinner.

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I learned to make awesome pancakes from my dad, along with the homemade maple syrup that topped them off.

The only downer about making pancakes is, as you can see from the picture above, i ended up having to use 2 different pans. The griddle SUCKS because it is heated by the burners on the stove. The back 3 pancakes are sitting on the griddle that is heated by a small burner & it doesn’t heat the griddle up enough to cook the pancakes. So, really, the griddle will only cook 2 pancakes at a time. #Lame.

So i switched to a larger skillet we have. It’s not much better, it can only cook 3 pancakes at a time. But it gets the job done.

I wish i could afford an electric skillet. We had one growing up & when my dad would make pancakes, he could make 6 at a time. But, even if i could afford an electric griddle, i have no counter space in my kitchen. I have the world’s smallest kitchen.

Anyways…back to pancakes. I had to call my dad when i made these pancakes because they turned out super fluffy & my dad was complaining the other day that when he makes pancakes they’re not fluffy any more.

With all that being said, i hope everyone had a wonderful National Pancake Day!

Did you celebrate National Pancake Day?

Friday the 13th

So maybe one month ago, the boyfriend sent me an email of a link to a contest a local radio station was putting on. The contest was that they were going to marry 13 couples on Friday, February 13th.

I didn’t enter it because i knew the boyfriend was kind of gun shy towards marriage because of his last marriage, which i completely understand.

I did respond to the email though & told him that i think it’d be awesome if he wanted to enter it, but i left it at that.
Fast forward to February 3rd. I was at work & on a potty break & i get a text from him saying “Call me asap”.

So i called him, but told him to keep it brief because i had to get back to work.
Him: You know that contest i emailed you a couple weeks ago?
Me: Uh, no. Which contest?
Him: The marriage one from KBER.
Me: Oh yea…
Him: Well the lady from the radio station just called & we were picked as one of the couples.

My thoughts…HOLY SHIT! We’re getting married in 10 days. I was SO excited. We’ve been together almost 2 yrs & we’ve talked about marriage, but we wanted to wait until the kids were more stable, etc.

The radio station paid for EVERYTHING but the marriage license. They gave us rings, a cake, a bachelor/bachelorette party, photographer, etc.

I was still slightly overwhelmed because my stepson & now husband rented tux’s, but i didn’t have a dress (that’s another post).

So yea…since Friday, February 13, 2015, I’ve been a married gal. So far, married life is the same as before.

Don’t worry. I will post about finding my dress & the ceremony.