Downward Spiral

Folks, I’m in a downward spiral to heading back to my previous weight of 275+ lbs. 

Since meeting my husband 3 1/2 yrs ago, to getting married last year, to having a baby 8 months ago, I’m having an EXTREMELY hard time finding the time to workout. 

You would think because we have custody of my husband’s two kids (daughter age 14 & son age 11) that it would make it easier to workout because I could leave the baby with them for an hour & go get a workout in, but sadly that’s not the case. His daughter, though she’s 14 yrs old physically, emotionally/socialy, etc., she’s about 8. Would you let your 8 year old watch a baby by themselves? I wouldn’t. 

I can’t always rely on evenings when my husband is home to go workout either. He doesn’t always get off work on time. There’s times I have no clue when he’s coming home. Which puts us back to I have no one to watch the kids while I go workout. I want to use my workout time as my alone time, so taking everyone with me isn’t really an option. 

So you say “Go when your husband gets home from work.” Sometimes that’s not an option. Right now, I’m the only one that can get the baby to go to sleep. His bedtime is at 8 pm. Even in the middle of the night if my husband tries to feed him, he doesn’t like it & screams. So once baby goes to sleep, I’m done for the night. 

Combine all of this with the fact that I’m an emotional eater & that just spells disaster. Any time I get stressed or depressed, all I want to do is inhale EVERYTHING! It doesn’t matter if it’s healthy or not. 

This go around with losing weight I’m trying to do it the healthy way. Seven years ago when I lost 114 lbs, I worked out like crazy & ate crazy too. Sunday – Friday I was lucky if I ate 1,000 calories a day. Then Saturdays, after my workout was done, I’d eat anything & everything. 

I don’t want to do that this time around. 

I’ve even tried Couch to 5k programs to get me going again. Tonight is the 3rd time I started the program. Lol. I’ll go a week & do really good with workouts, etc & then I’ll go another 2-3 weeks where I’m barely able to get a workout in. 

You see this photo ^^^. That’s my fat face. That’s my face significantly puffier than even a year ago. That shirt I’m wearing is snug & it used to be pretty loose on me. The treadmill is hiding my gut.

My husband says I’m beautiful, but I don’t take compliments well. Plus I feel like he’s saying that because he’s my husband & is supposed to. 

This ^^^ is what I liked like when I met my husband. Look at my face shape, etc. It’s drastically different. 

I don’t know what I’ve got to do, but I’ve got to do something. I need someone to help keep me accountable for what I eat. I need someone to help keep me accountable for my workouts, etc. 

This was my run tonight using the Couch to 5k program (again). I’ve already told myself that tomorrow night I need to ride my bike for 30 min, even if it’s at 10 pm.

My self esteem is just in the toilet. I miss being as fit as I was. At this point I’m just grasping at straws to try & figure out what I need to do to get back to where I was. When I was thinner, I had more self confidence. In that 2nd picture above, I actually felt pretty. 

I know this entire post sounds like one giant excuse, but you have to remember that every family is different & not every family is able to function the same way. 

So…with that being said…do you have any suggestions for me? 

The Excitement Never Ends

A little while ago I was reading a friend’s blog and she gave a link to a pdf document of 365 writing prompts. Today is a fun one. Lol.

September 8 The excitement never ends Tell us about the last thing you got excited about — butterflies-in-the-stomach, giggling, can’t-wait excited.

You really want to know what made me excited & I giggled? It was kind of a menacing giggle, but still…

This school year we are trying something new with my daughter. She’s 14. Up until now she’s given us NO reason to trust her. Well, we didn’t have anybody to pick her up from school, so she walks home and is by herself until I get home from work, around 6 p.m.

Yesterday, while she was home by herself, she ate 5 dinner rolls (that I had told her not to because I was using them for dinner), a piece of cake and a couple of slices of bread. But…if you ask her…she didn’t do it. Oh, and she stuck her gum to a kitchen cabinet too.

I knew she ate the rolls because when we left the house that morning, the bag of rolls was closed. They were now open. I knew she got in to the cake, because there was a knife in the kitchen sink, along with a dessert plate with cake crumbs on it and nobody else in the house has had cake. Crap, my husband CAN’T have the cake because he has Celiac disease. I knew she ate bread too because that morning when we left the house, the bread bag was sealed with a twist tie. When I got home, it wasn’t.

Now…don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind if the kids have a snack, but eating all of that is NOT a snack. And I just ask that they ask us first in case we had the food set aside for dinner/recipe or something. But instead, my daughter would rather get in trouble and lie about it even though there’s plenty of evidence that she did it. So, she went to bed early last night.

Now i’m sure you’re wondering how this all ties in to what I was super excited about. Well, let me tell you…

Today I had the opportunity to leave work early. I didn’t tell her. Lol. Now, I do have to give her props. I asked her to empty the dishwasher before I got home and she couldn’t watch TV until that was done and she did that (she sent me a picture of the empty dishwasher). But, I think it’s rather hilarious that I can catch her in a lie, yet she still denies it & won’t admit it. She’ll lie about it until she’s blue in the face.

She sent me a text asking if she should take the dogs out. I asked her “What do you think?” And she said “yea”. I’ve told her that when she takes the dogs out, she needs to take a picture of the dog outside so I know that she took them out (she’s lied about this in the past). Exactly one minute after she texted me saying yes she should take the dogs out, she sent me a picture of both dogs outside. I know for a FACT, it takes longer than 1 minute to take 2 dogs for a walk around the block. Shortly after she sent me a picture of the dogs, I walked in the house and told her to take the dogs back outside. She tried to tell me she already did, but I just stopped her & said, no excuses were going to work. Magically when she tooks the dogs out a second time, she was gone for about 10 minutes with each dog.

I’ve gotten to the point where most of the time I don’t get mad anymore when she tries to pull stuff like this, but I laugh and then get excited when I can catch her in a lie & there’s nothing she can do to backtrack to get out of it.

I know…I’m a mean mom. Lol.

Couch to 5k & Personal Training

Life is just crazy, what can I say? I am finding it easier to find topics to blog about though, so that’s good.

I’ve decided to start a Couch to 5k program. I know I can do a 5k, obviously, because I just did one this last weekend. But I need help getting my speed up and being able to run, without walking, a complete 5k. So, figured I’d try out an app that I found on my phone.

Today was the first day of that workout. HOLY CRAP it seemed hard. It was 1 min running and 90 seconds walking, but for some reason it seemed harder than the 5k I did last Saturday. Weird. I can’t wait to see my progress too.

As some of you probably know, at one time I was going to school to be a personal trainer, but then family got in the way and I’ve never been able to go back.

Well, I posted something on Facebook the other day about how I miss it and I still want to be a personal trainer and one of my old neighbors contacted me and wants me to train her to do a 5k and then a 10k! Cool, huh? So I basically have my first client. It’ll be fun to see how it goes.

Holy War 5k

Today was my second race this season. Was I prepared for it? Not really. Did I have fun? You bet!!!

Here in Utah there is a HUGE rivalry between the University of Utah & Brigham Young University (BYU). When they play each other in football it’s called the Holy War. They are playing each other next weekend. So the entire week before it’s called Rivalry week & there’s alot of festivities. This year it started out with a 5k.

My old triathlon coach was part of the organization & he was able to help me in registering for the event.

I knew it was going to be a tough run because it was being held at Sugarhouse Park. There is one specific hill there that just kicks your trash if you’re not prepared for it. It’s a short hill, but it’s steep. 

I ran this race of course rooting for the U of U. I decided I’d push E in his stroller through the race too. Then I was guaranteed a running partner. 

I had no goals EXCEPT to do better than I did in the Be Well 5k that was last week. I started out the race fairly strong. Then I walked the hills. 

As I came through the first lap (had to run 2 laps of the park) my old Coach was there cheering me on how that felt good. 

Like always, as of late, around mile 2 of my run one of my feet falls asleep (I think I just need inserts in my shoes). That makes it tricky to run because I don’t want to be running & land wrong on my foot & go down all because my foot is numb. 

So the 2nd lap I walked the up hills & tried to run as much as I could. 

I finally ran in to the finish & finished in 43:18! That’s about an 8 min PR from my 5k last week. It gave me the confidence I needed to keep going with this running stuff. 

Here’s a few pictures from the race: 

My next race is on 10/1. It’s another 5k & it’s free!!! I’ve been lucky & have been able to find a lot of free races lately. 

What is your next race? 

It’s Not About the Pace

“It’s not about the pace”…that’s the text I got from my husband during the middle of my run yesterday when I texted him complaining that I was going so slow. 

Ever since having my baby 6 months ago I’ve really struggled with getting back in to shape. I’m finally at a place where I feel I’m being consistent with my workouts, but some days it just feels like my running is NOT improving. Yesterday was one of those days. 

I took off on my run about 4:30 pm. It was hot outside, but I had to go then or I wasn’t going go. I decided I would run down to Wheeler Farm, make 2 loops of the trail & then run back. It equaled 3.16 miles. 

I felt strong on my run to the farm. But my pace wasn’t showing it. Then when I started on the trails, I was just hot. The heat was getting to me. I was slowing down even more.

After the first loop I made a potty break & got more water & sent my husband a text telling him this workout was kicking my ass. That’s when he told me it’s not about the pace. 

That reminded me of something one of the founders of the Idiots Running Club said once. He said it’s not about the pace. It’s about the effort. It’s not your pace that gets you through a 100 mile run. It’s the effort you’ve put in to your training.

I ended my run & had an average pace of 15:32/mile. I know if I do weights more, that will help improve my running. 

My next couple of runs are going to be on the treadmill so I can work on my speed. 

Pat On the Back

I’m really wanting to blog more. I want this to be an outlet for me. I get too caught up in my day & my family that I forget to write & then when I do remember to write, it’s 9:30 pm & I’ve got a sleeping baby in my arms. That’s not very conducive to writing. Lol. 

I read a blog the other day & she had a link to a document that gives you a prompt on what to write every day. So I thought, no better time than to start now. 

Today’s prompt was to write about someone you’re proud of. 

I’m really proud of my son & daughter. Like I’ve mentioned before, they’re technically not my kids, but I have more of an influence on them than their mother, and from day 1, I’ve just referred to them as my kids. 

I’m proud of them because they didn’t come from the best environment. They were neglected, abused, etc. Don’t get me wrong, they still have their issues. They always will. But they’ve come a looooong ways. They’ve still got a long ways to go & improve, but they’ve improved alot too. 

B doesn’t have melt downs about stupid stuff as much any more (he had a meltdown over a donut once) & he’s better at controlling his anger. 

T has come leaps & bounds in her school work. When we got her, she was in 6th grade & was on a 2nd grade reading level. She’s now going in to 9th grade & is between a 6th & 7th grade reading level. By the time she graduates high school she will be completely caught up. She LOVES to read now. So much so that I have to tell her to put the book down & do her other homework too. 

Both kids have put on more weight. They were insanely under weight when we got them. They’re still picky eaters, but I sure hope one day they’ll expand their minds & try new things. 

We definitely have our days that are battles, but I’m super proud of them too. 

Mom Time

Mom Time…when & where do I find it?

About a month ago, my husband got put on graveyard shift until Sept. It’s taking a toll on me. I have NO time to myself. When I get home from work, I have a 13 yr old, 11 yr old & 3 month old to take care of. No, the 13 yr old & 11 yr old are not able to take care of themselves.

On my husband’s days off, the kids are either at their bio mom’s house or at school.

I try & use my workout time as my “me” time, but my 11 yr old son likes to go running with me & I want to encourage that activity. Plus it’s time for me & him to be together & just have fun.

But…I’m desperate for some “me” time. But I don’t have the funds to go do anything or take my kids to a sitter.

What do you do for “me” time? How do you find the time for it?