Anxiety vs. Weight Loss

Ok, so if you know me at all, or have followed my blog very much, you know I have anxiety & depression. Both my husband & I decided that I needed to get back in to therapy for it. Not only for my anxiety & depression, but to learn how to help my kids even more. 

I found out that my therapist that I used to see 15 yrs ago is covered on my insurance, so I went ahead & made an appointment. Yesterday was my first appointment with him. My husband went with me. 

Of course i had to get there early & fill out all the paperwork. It was determined my depression was moderate to severe. Then J (the therapist) looked at the anxiety one & said “WHOA!!!” It’s off the charts. The lower the score, the better. The highest score you can get is 21. Guess what my score was? Yup, 21!

It was brought up that before i met my husband & when we were first dating & before he got custody of his kids i was a totally different person. It was because I was actively training. I was always going to the gym & doing races. Once we got custody of his kids, etc, working out has taken a back burner. 

J asked how much weight I’ve gained since my husband & i have been together, etc & I said about 75 lbs. I’m 2009, my heaviest was 275, then in 2010 I got all the way down to 156. I just weighed myself the other day & I’m at 238.1. J actually told me congrats because my weight could be worse. 

I was told I need to start doing more for myself. If it means working out at 11 pm because that’s when I have the time,  that’s what i have to do. 

My husband mentioned that I’m tok focused on the # on the scale too. Honestly,  I’m scared to death that I’m not going to be loved by him because I’ve gained weight & I’m not as thin as I was when we met. He keeps reassuring me that’s not gonna happen, but with anxiety,  you always have that thought in your head. 

When my husband mentioned to J that I’m too focused on the scale he told me that’s the least of my worries right now. If exercising helps my anxiety, I need to workout for that, NOT to lose weight. I said “but I’m a numbers person. That’s how I see progress. By the number going down on the scale.” J then pointed out that I’ve got a # with my anxiety too & that’s the score of 21. I need to lower that # instead. 

So, this poses the question…if getting my anxiety under control is more important than weight loss…do I eat whatever I want (If that’s what gives me comfort, etc) & workout & if I happen to lose weight,  that’s a bonus? Or do I still watch what i eat & workout & hope it helps my anxiety?  Does that make sense? 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you ever deal with anxiety?


13.1 Training – Day 2

I always write this post the next day, because after I get done with my workout, it’s immediately back to being Mom and helping with homework, helping with dinner, putting baby to bed, etc.

So, yesterday was day 2 of training for this 13.1. I thought I was going. to. die. I did weights. I haven’t done weights in God knows how long!!!

I started with a 10 minute warm up on the bike. That wasn’t bad. I actually enjoyed it. At the gym at my apartment complex it’s nice because it’s a spin bike and not just a regular stationary bike.

Then…I hit the weights and didn’t look back. I did a little bit of everything. I did chest pressed, shoulder presses, low row, step ups, vicious v’s, Russian twists, bicycle, up & outs, and I was even able to hold a plank for 1 minute.

This is the Russian Twist. It about killed me.
I didn’t look this cute doing the Vicious V’s though.

After having a kid, my abs definitely need more work.

I was going to end it all with some jumping jacks, but that just didn’t happen. I felt like a giant bowl of jello after the workout was done.

I plan on doing these exercises at least twice a week though. I know they’ll help with my running, especially the core workouts.

What is your favorite weight/core workout to do?


I realize this is my 3rd post today, but just consider yourself lucky that I’m posting again. Lol. I’m bored and trying to take up time til I’m tired enough to go to bed. Lol.

So, I was reading my friend Genevieve’s blog and she said that she likes reading people’s blogs when they just talk about their every day life. So, I thought I’d let you know how today went.

Today was a very unusual day actually. First off, I slept in until 9:00 a.m. Usually I’m up by 5:30 – 6:00 a.m. to get a swim workout in, or to take the dog out, etc. It felt nice to sleep in that long. Well, technically, I was up at 6:45 a.m. and I texted with man-friend for a little bit while he got ready for work. Then I went back to sleep until 7:30 a.m. Got up again and texted with man-friend for a little bit, then finally went back to sleep until 9:00 a.m.

Normally I would have a workout, but since I’m tapering this week, and since today is a travel day, no workout today.

I finally got my ass out of bed, even though I could have kept sleeping, to see a text from my roommate saying we were having plumbing problems and no shower or laundry could be done today.

I finished packing for my 1/2 Ironman and headed out the door. I decided to head over to man-friend’s house and took a shower there and then took Tank for a walk. Poor Tank, you’d think I was torturing him by letting him out of his kennel but making him wait until I was done with my shower before I would take him for a walk. Lol.

Someone is ready for a walk.
Someone is ready for a walk.

Once I took Tank for a walk, I got him back in his kennel (felt bad about that) and headed out the door. I had to stop by Salt Lake Running Co really quick to get some extra gels and a new sports bra for my race on Saturday. I didn’t want any chaffing. So, dropped $75 there. While I was there, I got a pep talk from my coach (he’s the manager there) about my race on Saturday. He has all the confidence in the world of me and he thinks I’ll do just great. He reassured me about the hills on the bike course, the swim and that was going to be kind of hot on the run, but since we’re running by the Boise River, it shouldn’t be too bad.

I finally got to my parents house to pick up my dad and we gassed up the car and were on our way to Boise. Queue the long 4 1/2 hour car ride from Salt Lake City to Boise, Idaho. Snooze fest!!!

We made our typical stop in Burley, Idaho to use the restroom, grab some lunch and then we were on the road again.

Finally we pulled in to Boise, ID. Because of issues with our hotel reservation, we’re staying at one hotel tonight and then transferring to a different hotel for the rest of the nights we’re here.

We went and had dinner at Sizzler tonight and it was ok. I had their chicken fried steak (needed some protein) and made a nice salad from the salad bar. The steak was ok, but I wouldn’t order it again.

Now, I’m sitting back at the hotel, trying to pass time by messing around on my computer. Anxiety is at a premium and I’ve got severe nervous legs. Tomorrow is going to be a crazy busy day with switching hotels, checking my bike in to transition, etc.

How has your day been?

Consistency is Key

The other day I was riding in the car with my friend and we were talking about how I was going to the gym that night and I was thankful that all I had to do was swim and do my weights and core workout beause I was so tired. Her response was “Man, you’re so consistent.” My response to that is “I have to be.”

Looking back, I don’t have to be consistent, I choose to be consistent. But with my weight loss anniversary coming up, consistency is key. Here are a couple of reasons why I am so consistent in going to the gym:

– I choose to be consistent. It is something that I enjoy. It helps me relieve my stresses.

-When you pay $200+ for one race, and that’s just the entry fee, you make sure you’re going to be damn well and ready to participate in that race. That $200 doesn’t even start to consider hotel stays, etc.

-If you have a coach, like I do, you pay them upwards of $100 a month. That keeps you accountable and makes you stay consistent in going to the gym.

-One final thing that keeps me consistent in going to the gym and working out is when you’ve lost as much weight as I have, at least with me, I’m scared to death sometimes of being fat again. I don’t want to go back to those days. Those days were pure hell for me.

I think if you’re trying to be consistent in going to the gym, one thing that helps is if you have a workout buddy. I never had a workout buddy, but money was the big thing for me, ya know? You need to find something to hold you responsible and that will help with the consistency.

How do you stay consistent in running and going to the gym?

Working Out While Sick

Last Monday afternoon, my nose started to get really stuffy. I immediately started taking cold meds, but when I woke up on Tuesday morning I was in full-blown head cold mode. I was sent home from work early on Tuesday because I wasn’t feeling well and I immediately went to bed. The only time I woke up was to take cold meds.

When I get sick I am very diligent at taking cold meds. I usually take some kind of decongestant every 4 hours and then I take Zicam every 3 hours. In the past, Zicam has seemed to really help lessen the time of my cold.

I use the tablets.
I use the tablets.

So, I haven’t worked out in almost a week and I’m going absolutely NUTS!!! Working out is my mode of letting out anxieties, frustrations, etc. I thought I was feeling well Friday night, so I hopped on the bike trainer, and I only lasted 30 minutes (almost 9 miles). My chest was on fire!!

My cold has now moved down in to my chest. I’ve got tightness in my chest and my nose is still a little stuffy. So, I’ve still been taking decongestants, and now I’ve added Mucinex and cough syrup to the mix too. Ugh. Speaking of cough syrup…why do they say it is cherry flavored? It doesn’t taste like any cherries I’ve ever eaten. Lol. If the cough syrup and Mucinex doesn’t help, I’ll have to start making me some hot totties. Those always seem to help.

I’m feeling a little better today, but not enough to be able to go for a run or swim. I’m following the advice of “In the head, go ahead. In the chest, take a rest.”. I just hope this passes quickly. My sanity and my self control for food has been thrown out the window!!!

Do you workout when you’re sick? What is your best remedy for a chest cold?

Exhausting Weekend & a Christmas Survey

Oh man, today is the first day of the weekend and I’m already exhausted. Maybe it’s because I spent 3 hours on the bike trainer today. You heard me…3…hours. Whew!

I got up bright and early this morning because I had an appointment at 8:00 a.m., but that fell through. I ended up going back to bed because I had a killer headache. I’ve been waking up with alot of headaches lately. I couldn’t imagine sitting on the bike trainer for 3 hours with a headache.

I finally got up at 10:00 a.m. and headache or not, I was going to get this workout done. I set up my bike trainer in my bedroom and sat on it for 3 hours pedaling away.

Santa brought me this last year. He got it from
Santa brought me this last year. He got it from

I kept waiting for the 3 hours to get overwhelming, but it never came. What did come though was tired legs. Maybe the reason it wasn’t overwhelming is because I broke it up. I didn’t just sit there and pedal. I did a 20 minute warm up and then a 20 minute cool down. Sandwiched in between the warm up & cool down was a bunch of intervals of 10 minutes in a hard gear and 5 minutes in an easy gear.

I did keep myself occupied with my DVR recording of the 12/12/12 concert. What amazing musicians. Of course my favorite was Billy Joel. Too bad my DVR cut off part of his singing.

I finished my workout biking a total of 55.1 miles in 3:01:22 and burning 2400+ calories!!! Whoa!

Not long after my workout did I go out and finish my Christmas shopping. Man, there are some crazies out there!!! I SO don’t have patience for drivers and shoppers in the Christmas season. It seems like everyone loses their common sense. Haha!!

Tomorrow is going to be busy busy as well. I’ve got to run 8 miles tomorrow. My shins are feeling really good, so I think I’ll do my 8 miles outside tomorrow. We’ll see how my shins like that.

Last but not least, I thought I’d grace you with a Christmas survey that I got from my friend over at thedancingrunner! I think these can be fun. 🙂

1. Favorite Christmas Album/CD: I really enjoy hearing the Boston Pops do “Sleigh Ride”.

2. Run on Christmas Morning or Take the Day Off? I did last year. It was a lot of fun. Christmas is very nerve wracking for me, so running helps.

3. What do you usually eat on Christmas morning? There is an AWESOME bakery here in town and we always get donuts or cinnamon rolls from there and have that with a big glass of milk.

4. Favorite holiday or Christmas tradition? When I was little, we’d drive up to Park City and have a picnic in our car and watch people ski down the mountain. Then we’d go along the river and around the golf course up there and go golf ball hunting. I miss that.

5. Real tree, fake tree or no tree? We are 100% fake! I don’t remember the last time we had a real Christmas tree.

6. Christmas pajamas…yay or nay? Nay. We get Christmas pillow cases that my mom makes. I’ve never been given pajamas for Christmas.

7. Where do you spend the holidays? Since I live with my parents right now, I spend it at home with them. This year will be a little different. I’ll be dog sitting in Salt Lake City, so I’ll have to drive home Christmas morning.

8. Food that you always have during the holiday season? Nagadoches. It is DELICIOUS!!! It is a cross between a cake and a brownie. However, I can usually only have 1 piece because it is so rich.

9. Open presents all at once or take turns? Stockings yes or no? We all take turns. My mom would rather wait to open all of her presents until everybody else has, but we make her open her presents while everyone else does too. We’ve always done stockings. My mom crocheted us all our individual stockings, but we decided to preserve them and bought new stockings a while ago. The stockings are the first thing we do.

10. Favorite Christmas(ish) movie? Elf! Without a doubt.

What are your plans for the weekend? Are you ready for Christmas?

Let the Weekend Begin!

What a crazy way to start off the weekend! This week I’ve really struggled getting up early to get my swim workouts in. There are days I haven’t felt good, and I haven’t slept well, so even with bribing myself, I’ve not been able to get up and get my swim workout in.

I paid for it tonight. SO frustrated. It was a long day at work. I was really just looking forward to coming home and going straight to the gym and getting my swim on and then doing weights.

Long Day

I got home, changed in to my swimming suit, got everything together for the gym and I hit MASSIVE, terrible traffic on the way to the gym. I live literally 5 minutes from the gym. I had been in my car for 10 minutes and still wasn’t at the gym. I flipped a u-turn and tried an alternate way to the gym to find out that all the roads surrounding my gym were closed for an Electric Light Christmas Parade. Boo. It took me another 20 minutes to figure out how to get home because of all the road closures.

So, because I want to, I’m going to make up today’s workout tomorrow morning at the gym. So, on schedule for tomorrow is a 2000 yard swim, a 2 hour bike ride with steady effort and then my weights & core workout. I’m already tired thinking about it. Lol.

I’ve got to get up early and get it done though because I need to get some Christmas shopping done this weekend. I’ve got to drive to a mall 45 minutes away to get some of the shopping done. Whew!

What’s your workout this weekend? Are you done Christmas shopping yet? Any fun plans for the weekend?