Anxiety vs. Weight Loss

Ok, so if you know me at all, or have followed my blog very much, you know I have anxiety & depression. Both my husband & I decided that I needed to get back in to therapy for it. Not only for my anxiety & depression, but to learn how to help my kids even more. 

I found out that my therapist that I used to see 15 yrs ago is covered on my insurance, so I went ahead & made an appointment. Yesterday was my first appointment with him. My husband went with me. 

Of course i had to get there early & fill out all the paperwork. It was determined my depression was moderate to severe. Then J (the therapist) looked at the anxiety one & said “WHOA!!!” It’s off the charts. The lower the score, the better. The highest score you can get is 21. Guess what my score was? Yup, 21!

It was brought up that before i met my husband & when we were first dating & before he got custody of his kids i was a totally different person. It was because I was actively training. I was always going to the gym & doing races. Once we got custody of his kids, etc, working out has taken a back burner. 

J asked how much weight I’ve gained since my husband & i have been together, etc & I said about 75 lbs. I’m 2009, my heaviest was 275, then in 2010 I got all the way down to 156. I just weighed myself the other day & I’m at 238.1. J actually told me congrats because my weight could be worse. 

I was told I need to start doing more for myself. If it means working out at 11 pm because that’s when I have the time,  that’s what i have to do. 

My husband mentioned that I’m tok focused on the # on the scale too. Honestly,  I’m scared to death that I’m not going to be loved by him because I’ve gained weight & I’m not as thin as I was when we met. He keeps reassuring me that’s not gonna happen, but with anxiety,  you always have that thought in your head. 

When my husband mentioned to J that I’m too focused on the scale he told me that’s the least of my worries right now. If exercising helps my anxiety, I need to workout for that, NOT to lose weight. I said “but I’m a numbers person. That’s how I see progress. By the number going down on the scale.” J then pointed out that I’ve got a # with my anxiety too & that’s the score of 21. I need to lower that # instead. 

So, this poses the question…if getting my anxiety under control is more important than weight loss…do I eat whatever I want (If that’s what gives me comfort, etc) & workout & if I happen to lose weight,  that’s a bonus? Or do I still watch what i eat & workout & hope it helps my anxiety?  Does that make sense? 

What are your thoughts on this? Do you ever deal with anxiety?


My Social Anxiety

It seems the older I get the more bad my social anxiety gets. I used to be able to go to crowded places and not be phased, but I’ve noticed especially since I was pregnant, it’s gotten worse.

We have a shopping mall here in Salt Lake City called City Creek. We went there the other night to attempt to take Baby E to see Santa. The mall is owned by the Mormon Church. This mall has a dress code too. Not a strict dress code. But if you’re one of those folks that likes to wear their pants 1/2 way down your ass with your underwear hanging out, you’ll be asked to fix it or leave.

As soon as we got to the mall, my anxiety just skyrocketed. It was wall to wall people.

I felt like the guy in the middle.


Everybody was crammed in to the elevator. There was just too damn many people. I don’t know if my anxiety is caused by my two older kids not knowing how to act in public, therefore they’re extremely embarrassing, or if it’s my fear of being judged, etc. City Creek Mall is a mall for the REALLY wealthy people to go shopping at. It’s a beautiful mall, but all the stores there are expensive. I’ve never gone there before because I know I can’t afford it. So, I don’t know if that’s part of my anxiety too.

We ended up leaving instead of waiting around to see Santa because my anxiety just couldn’t handle it.

This isn’t the only occasion either. I wanted to go to the Festival of Trees this year, but I just knew I couldn’t handle it. Last year my husband took me to a TSO concert and I was able to sit through the concert, but barely. My legs were jittery the entire time, etc.

So, my question for you is…Do you have social anxiety? How do you handle it?