The 2nd Time is More Tough

I’ve been thinking a lot about fitness & why losing weight & exercising this time around is harder than when I originally lost all my weight. I finally figured it out the other day. But I don’t know how to get past it. 

The first time i lost weight, I had no way of gauging how good i would be. I didn’t have anything to compare my improvements or sets backs to. Now I do. 

When I first started out 8 years ago, I didn’t have a heart rate monitor. I didn’t have any way of gauging how fast I was running,  nothing. I mean,  the first time I felt like a runner is when I ran almost a full mile without stopping. 

8 yrs ago,  going from a 15 min mile to a 14 min mile was a HUGE accomplishment. I didn’t know what my body was capable of. I did eventually get to a point that I could run a 9:30 pace. 

Now, 8 yrs later, after getting married, gaining 2 stepkids with A LOT of baggage & going through 1 pregnancy & having the cutest baby boy on earth,  I’ve gained back about 80-85 lbs of the 114 lbs I’ve lost. 

Now, when I go to step on a treadmill & it takes everything I have to run a 14:30 pace, it’s discouraging knowing that my body is capable of a 9:30 pace,  but I struggle. It’s tough to see how far I’ve got to go to get back to where I was.

I’ll admit,  there are days that it would just be easier to stay fat & not worry about working out.

To be honest, I’m embarrassed I’ve gained so much weight back. I’ll admit,  I’ve been one of those people that when I’ve seen someone I haven’t seen in a long time & they’ve gained a lot of weight,  I’ll whisper to my husband or someone else that “look at so&so. They’ve gained a lot of weight”. I’m terribly embarrassed that I’ve done that & I’m sure people are saying that about me now. 

There is a nightclub here in SLC that I used to go to. They watched me go through my first weight loss. I’m embarrassed to go back,  because i don’t want them think I’ve thrown myself away (honestly I probably have but that’s another post).

So my question to all is how do you get past all this?  How do I not compare myself to my old self?  How do I not be embarrassed about my weight gain? 

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1 thought on “The 2nd Time is More Tough”

  1. I think “starting over” is always harder than the first time for many of the reasons you mentioned plus I think there is just more momentum and enthusiasm the first time around. The only advice I can give you is to just keep going. Take it one meal and one workout at a time. Be kind to yourself and celebrate no scale victories. You can do it!

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