I’ve been thinking a lot about fitness & why losing weight & exercising this time around is harder than when I originally lost all my weight. I finally figured it out the other day. But I don’t know how to get past it.
The first time i lost weight, I had no way of gauging how good i would be. I didn’t have anything to compare my improvements or sets backs to. Now I do.
When I first started out 8 years ago, I didn’t have a heart rate monitor. I didn’t have any way of gauging how fast I was running, nothing. I mean, the first time I felt like a runner is when I ran almost a full mile without stopping.
8 yrs ago, going from a 15 min mile to a 14 min mile was a HUGE accomplishment. I didn’t know what my body was capable of. I did eventually get to a point that I could run a 9:30 pace.
Now, 8 yrs later, after getting married, gaining 2 stepkids with A LOT of baggage & going through 1 pregnancy & having the cutest baby boy on earth, I’ve gained back about 80-85 lbs of the 114 lbs I’ve lost.
Now, when I go to step on a treadmill & it takes everything I have to run a 14:30 pace, it’s discouraging knowing that my body is capable of a 9:30 pace, but I struggle. It’s tough to see how far I’ve got to go to get back to where I was.
I’ll admit, there are days that it would just be easier to stay fat & not worry about working out.
To be honest, I’m embarrassed I’ve gained so much weight back. I’ll admit, I’ve been one of those people that when I’ve seen someone I haven’t seen in a long time & they’ve gained a lot of weight, I’ll whisper to my husband or someone else that “look at so&so. They’ve gained a lot of weight”. I’m terribly embarrassed that I’ve done that & I’m sure people are saying that about me now.
There is a nightclub here in SLC that I used to go to. They watched me go through my first weight loss. I’m embarrassed to go back, because i don’t want them think I’ve thrown myself away (honestly I probably have but that’s another post).
So my question to all is how do you get past all this? How do I not compare myself to my old self? How do I not be embarrassed about my weight gain?