Downward Spiral

Folks, I’m in a downward spiral to heading back to my previous weight of 275+ lbs. 

Since meeting my husband 3 1/2 yrs ago, to getting married last year, to having a baby 8 months ago, I’m having an EXTREMELY hard time finding the time to workout. 

You would think because we have custody of my husband’s two kids (daughter age 14 & son age 11) that it would make it easier to workout because I could leave the baby with them for an hour & go get a workout in, but sadly that’s not the case. His daughter, though she’s 14 yrs old physically, emotionally/socialy, etc., she’s about 8. Would you let your 8 year old watch a baby by themselves? I wouldn’t. 

I can’t always rely on evenings when my husband is home to go workout either. He doesn’t always get off work on time. There’s times I have no clue when he’s coming home. Which puts us back to I have no one to watch the kids while I go workout. I want to use my workout time as my alone time, so taking everyone with me isn’t really an option. 

So you say “Go when your husband gets home from work.” Sometimes that’s not an option. Right now, I’m the only one that can get the baby to go to sleep. His bedtime is at 8 pm. Even in the middle of the night if my husband tries to feed him, he doesn’t like it & screams. So once baby goes to sleep, I’m done for the night. 

Combine all of this with the fact that I’m an emotional eater & that just spells disaster. Any time I get stressed or depressed, all I want to do is inhale EVERYTHING! It doesn’t matter if it’s healthy or not. 

This go around with losing weight I’m trying to do it the healthy way. Seven years ago when I lost 114 lbs, I worked out like crazy & ate crazy too. Sunday – Friday I was lucky if I ate 1,000 calories a day. Then Saturdays, after my workout was done, I’d eat anything & everything. 

I don’t want to do that this time around. 

I’ve even tried Couch to 5k programs to get me going again. Tonight is the 3rd time I started the program. Lol. I’ll go a week & do really good with workouts, etc & then I’ll go another 2-3 weeks where I’m barely able to get a workout in. 

You see this photo ^^^. That’s my fat face. That’s my face significantly puffier than even a year ago. That shirt I’m wearing is snug & it used to be pretty loose on me. The treadmill is hiding my gut.

My husband says I’m beautiful, but I don’t take compliments well. Plus I feel like he’s saying that because he’s my husband & is supposed to. 

This ^^^ is what I liked like when I met my husband. Look at my face shape, etc. It’s drastically different. 

I don’t know what I’ve got to do, but I’ve got to do something. I need someone to help keep me accountable for what I eat. I need someone to help keep me accountable for my workouts, etc. 

This was my run tonight using the Couch to 5k program (again). I’ve already told myself that tomorrow night I need to ride my bike for 30 min, even if it’s at 10 pm.

My self esteem is just in the toilet. I miss being as fit as I was. At this point I’m just grasping at straws to try & figure out what I need to do to get back to where I was. When I was thinner, I had more self confidence. In that 2nd picture above, I actually felt pretty. 

I know this entire post sounds like one giant excuse, but you have to remember that every family is different & not every family is able to function the same way. 

So…with that being said…do you have any suggestions for me? 

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