I know you’re not supposed to compare yourself and I know that I don’t know what everyone else has been through in their life, but lately I find that I’ve been comparing myself to a lot of people lately.
Yesterday was a REALLY bad day. I don’t know why. The best way I can explain it is that a dark cloud of depression moved over my head and it just stayed there until about 4:30 pm. My husband was concerned at one time because I just wasn’t myself. I was crying and I just felt very depressed. I’m sure part of it was because I hadn’t taken my meds yet for the day until about 2:30 pm when I finally had something to eat.
I think one of the reasons I felt the way I did was because I’ve been comparing myself to others a lot lately. Maybe it’s due to social media. Facebook and Twitter and all those other websites make it REALLY easy to compare yourself to others. Maybe i need to take a break from those websites.
Earlier this week I became friends on Facebook with an old classmate from Middle School and High School. He’s at least the second person i know of that I went to school with that has become a doctor (I’m sure there’s more). Out of all of the people that I know of that I went to high school with, they all of jobs they enjoy. They all are making a decent living. They have all bought a house, possibly not their first house, and they’ve moved and built their dream home. They drive nice cars, blah, blah, blah. I can’t think of any of my girl friends that I went to high school with that even have to work. They are able to be stay at home mom’s because their husband’s make enough money that they can afford that.
Now, granted, I don’t want to be a stay at home mom. I think I would get very bored with that. But we are apartment dwellers. There are paychecks where we are barely able to make ends meet. I have a job that I don’t like and I’m having to borrow my mom and dad’s car. Do I ever see myself having my dream job? Right now…no. My dream job is to be a personal trainer. At one time I was going to school to be a personal trainer. I LOVED it! But then…a family tragedy happened and school got put on the back burner. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not blaming my lack of being able to go to school because of this family tragedy, because at least now, my step-kids (I call them my kids) are safe. But, I’m having to pay on student loans for a degree I didn’t finish (my Associate of Science for Personal training) and I’m so far behind on paying my student loans that I’m sure I won’t be able to go back to school any time soon.
I just sometimes feel like since the 17 years since I’ve graduated from high school, I just don’t have a whole lot to show for my life, you know? My husband has a good job in the field that he’s always wanted to be in…and I’m stuck in a call center job that is going nowhere. I get paid a little more than minimum wage to be yelled at for not having what the customer wants. Awesome, right? I’m always looking for a new job, for something I would enjoy more, but I have yet to find anything.
I’m trying to look at everything I do have. I have a loving husband that would do ANYTHING in the world for me, I have 2 kids (they are a trial sometimes), I have a roof over my head, I have food to eat, and at least I have a job that brings money in. I don’t know if everybody else that I’m comparing myself to has trials and tribulations, but I would love to be in a home, be in a job that I love where I enjoy going to work every day, you know?
After a long nap yesterday, I was able to get myself together and be able to function and the dark cloud of depression seemed to move aside.
How do you keep from comparing yourself to others?