As I talked in my previous post I mentioned that I’m taking a break from social media to find myself. I need to find what makes me happy. I need to not seek approval for everything from people online. It’s nice to have people like you, but you don’t NEED that and lately I’ve felt like that is something I need.
Add in to all of that, I’ve been crazy depressed lately. Why? Well, there are some reasons that I can pin-point, but others I cannot. I need to figure that out and fix that.
I haven’t been truly happy lately, but as I was thinking about it, yesterday, I did a 5k and during those 3.1 miles, I felt like I had no cares in the world. It was wonderful.
If you didn’t know, I’m an injured runner. 😦 I finally went to the doctor last week and convinced him to give me a bone scan (Monday) to confirm whether or not it is a stress fracture. Until we figure everything out, I have to NOT run. Telling a runner to NOT run is like telling them they have to spend the rest of their life in hell. Especially when you already have plenty of races scheduled. This injury is one of the reasons I’ve been depressed. I’ve felt defeated. It hasn’t been fun.
Yesterday I did the Purple Day 5k. Because of my injury, I walked the entire thing. Well, I ran the last 0.1-0.2 miles. I refused to walk across the finish line. I finished the 5k in 40:50. My pace was 13:10. I figure that’s pretty good for walking it. I expected a slower pace. At least I know next year when I do this race, I’ll get a PR.
It did help that when I got to the race, my coach greeted me (he won the race & his wife came in first female overall) and said it was great that I was walking it. But for those 40 minutes, even though I was speed walking and NOT running (even though I wanted to), I felt like I had no cares in the world.
I need to figure out how to feel that way every day. Or, if I do have a bad day, I need to learn how to not let it effect me. I just wish I could feel that way more often than not, you know?
Oh well, it’s one step at a time. I will get there. I’m still not sure when I’m going to come back to Facebook and Twitter. I know I’m not ready to come back yet, but I will one day.