Today was a ROUGH day. Anxiety was just NOT good at all. I was feeling very overwhelmed at work because I had ALOT to do today. I was busier than I expected and that threw me off. If I know before I even get to work that I’ve got alot to do, it’s easier for me to deal with it because I can mentally prepare myself before I get to work, ya know?
Plus, the Wasatch Back Ragnar Relay is coming up in about 1 1/2 months and I ended up taking over as team captain and it’s not going quite as smooth as it should be. It’s very frustrating how things are turning out with that.
Basically, the anxiety just hit me like a TON of bricks today. I really thought this week was going to be a good week. I woke up Monday morning and I told myself I was going to have a better attitude at work and I was going to try and not let people or things get to me. Monday and Tuesday went REALLY well, and then today came. Ugh.
I tried really hard to keep my anxiety under control while I was at work. I don’t know if I was successful or not, but I tried.
It just seems like my anxiety keeps getting worse and worse and worse. I hate it. I wish it would just disappear and never come back. My doctor just up’d my anxiety medication, but so far, I can see a little bit of a difference but not much. I hesitate to bring up the anxiety thing again to him only because he’s my family practicioner. He’s REALLY good at general medicine, but I need someone who specializes in psychiatry to help me get my meds stabilized. I just hate it because the last thing I want to do is take another pill.
The other morning, when I took my morning meds, I counted, and included 2 Excedrin for a headache, I took a total of 9 pills!!! That’s TOO many damn pills. I don’t like it. To me, it seems like doctors are just giving people pills instead of treating the problem, you know? I just don’t want another pill to take.
Honestly, what I really wish I could do is go see a psychiatrist. I do have health insurance, but it SUCKS. I have a $2,000 deductible that I have to pay out of pocket before my insurance will even think about covering anything. I don’t have $2,000. I don’t even have however much a session is with a psychiatrist (probably min. of $100).
I guess I’ve just got to learn some way to deal with my anxiety.