I didn’t know what to title this post, so I titled it Life Is What You Make It. I really struggled on whether to type this post & send it out to the blogosphere or just to keep my thoughts to myself. This has been eating at me for a while, so I decided, what have I got to lose? I might as well post it. I hate to come off as complaining, but I figure I REALLY need to voice my thoughts and this is the only place I feel like I can express my thoughts.
Since I broke up with Brandon, it’s really got me thinking. I know I did the right thing, but the aftermath still has me REALLY thinking. I’ve talked with some of my friends about this, and in a way I think they’re telling me what they think I want to hear, plus, I think they’re afraid to tell me the God honest truth because they don’t want to hurt me.
I’ve been having a hard time since I broke up with Brandon. Yes, it was my decision, and I know it was the right decision, but it’s been ALOT harder than I expected it to be. Ever since the breakup though, it makes me wonder if I’m even the marrying type. It feels REALLY weird to live in Utah, a predominantly Mormon culture, and still be 32 and not married. Marriage and kids is something I’ve always wanted. But, it seems like every guy I date, he has strong feelings for me, but I don’t have the same feelings in return.
I’m starting to wonder if I’m ever going to find “the one”, or is my husband/lover my triathlons? I put SO much time in to my triathlons that during peak season (Spring and Summer), and whenever I have a big race coming up (Ogden Marathon), I don’t have a whole lot of time for anything else. Training is what I love to do. It’s hard to find someone who understands the training a triathlete does.
Plus, I don’t really put myself out there. I go to the same club every Saturday night (Keys on Main). I’m a creature of habit. I don’t have alot of friends, and my friends don’t really go out and do things either. I’ve tried the whole internet dating thing and that didn’t workout either. I’ve had friends tell me to “stop looking. Mr. Romance shows up when you least expect it and when you stop looking.”. I LOVE my friend that told me that, but that’s not what I want to hear. That’s the most generic answer you can give someone.
I’ve just been REALLY reevaluating my life lately. I’m trying to look at the positives, and I’m trying not to compare myself to others, but boy is it hard. I have to keep reminding myself that just because I think someone’s life is easier than mine and it looks more glamourous than mine, doesn’t necessarily mean it is.
It’s just tought to when society is screaming at me that I should be married by now and NOT be living with my parents, when neither of those are happening. I know I need to not listen to what society has to say, but when you grew up thinking you’d be married and have a couple of kids by now, not be living with your parents and be living happily ever after, it’s tough.