Life Is What You Make It

I didn’t know what to title this post, so I titled it Life Is What You Make It. I really struggled on whether to type this post & send it out to the blogosphere or just to keep my thoughts to myself. This has been eating at me for a while, so I decided, what have I got to lose? I might as well post it. I hate to come off as complaining, but I figure I REALLY need to voice my thoughts and this is the only place I feel like I can express my thoughts.

Since I broke up with Brandon, it’s really got me thinking. I know I did the right thing, but the aftermath still has me REALLY thinking. I’ve talked with some of my friends about this, and in a way I think they’re telling me what they think I want to hear, plus, I think they’re afraid to tell me the God honest truth because they don’t want to hurt me.

I’ve been having a hard time since I broke up with Brandon. Yes, it was my decision, and I know it was the right decision, but it’s been ALOT harder than I expected it to be. Ever since the breakup though, it makes me wonder if I’m even the marrying type. It feels REALLY weird to live in Utah, a predominantly Mormon culture, and still be 32 and not married. Marriage and kids is something I’ve always wanted. But, it seems like every guy I date, he has strong feelings for me, but I don’t have the same feelings in return.

I’m starting to wonder if I’m ever going to find “the one”, or is my husband/lover my triathlons? I put SO much time in to my triathlons that during peak season (Spring and Summer), and whenever I have a big race coming up (Ogden Marathon), I don’t have a whole lot of time for anything else. Training is what I love to do. It’s hard to find someone who understands the training a triathlete does.

Plus, I don’t really put myself out there. I go to the same club every Saturday night (Keys on Main). I’m a creature of habit. I don’t have alot of friends, and my friends don’t really go out and do things either. I’ve tried the whole internet dating thing and that didn’t workout either. I’ve had friends tell me to “stop looking. Mr. Romance shows up when you least expect it and when you stop looking.”. I LOVE my friend that told me that, but that’s not what I want to hear. That’s the most generic answer you can give someone.

I’ve just been REALLY reevaluating my life lately. I’m trying to look at the positives, and I’m trying not to compare myself to others, but boy is it hard. I have to keep reminding myself that just because I think someone’s life is easier than mine and it looks more glamourous than mine, doesn’t necessarily mean it is.

It’s just tought to when society is screaming at me that I should be married by now and NOT be living with my parents, when neither of those are happening. I know I need to not listen to what society has to say, but when you grew up thinking you’d be married and have a couple of kids by now, not be living with your parents and be living happily ever after, it’s tough.


7 thoughts on “Life Is What You Make It”

  1. I read this when you first posted it, and I’ve been thinking about it for the past few days. I’m not exactly a social butterfly, trust me. When people come and talk to me in my head I’m saying ‘Why are you talking to me? Do I look friendly? Because I’m not friendly.’ I know here in Hawaii there’s a Honolulu MeetUp group for everything- dining out, running, walking, adventure. I’ve gone on quite a few excursions with the ‘Hiking With Your Dog’ group, myself. Maybe there’s a meetup group in your area? There’s usually tons of running-type groups. I also know people that will visit friends in another city or state, and on e night when the friend is busy, they’ll get online to see if there’s a meetup group in the city they’re in, then go out to dinner that night just for fun, by themselves. Maybe that will help?


    1. Thanks Katie. I will definitely look in to this. I’ll have to look in to it from a tourist’s perspective. I think I tend to look at things in Utah from a resident’s perspective, you know?

      1. Oh, trust me… I know. It’s the same here in Hawaii… it’s such a money-sucking tourist town that it’s easy to fall into routines and stop looking for new things.

  2. I hear you love – it’s SUPER hard initially, but it will get better and feel complete confidence that you did the right thing in breaking up with him. It’s just nice to have someone, but not nice enough to sell yourself short of what you really want. I think honestly the internet has made ‘comparisons’ MUCH harder in this day and age. Just remember a lot of people don’t ‘air their dirty laundry’ – so usually you will be seeing the best of everything – so do NOT compare yourself with that. Comparing is a HUGE thing to overcome, but it’s something I strive for ALL THE TIME. Trust me – kids and husbands just make it worse – because then you are comparing THEM as well. I have a LONG email coming your way… Love ya!

  3. I don’t know if this helps or not, but my older sister recently married. She’s 42. I’m not really sure how they met, but she has never been happier. Love is a very tricky thing. The most important thing you should always remember is to stay true to yourself and don’t settle. Good Luck!

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