It is currently 12:26 a.m. and I haven’t slept a wink. Why? Because my mind is racing like crazy. I really hope that if I write down my thoughts here on my blog, maybe that will put my mind at ease and I’ll be able to catch a few hours of shut eye. One can always hope, right?
- I just signed up for 2 races. I’m pretty excited about that, yet nervous at the same time. I signed up for a 10 mile race that is on April 7th. I’ll be running from East Canyon down Emigration Canyon. I’ll be doing it with a couple of coworkers. It’ll be a good run to help prepare me for the marathon I’m doing in May. The other race I signed up for is the Telos Timp Tri. It’s down in Orem (about 45 minutes away). I’ve done this race 4 times, but this time I’m a little worried. It’s only a Sprint tri, but on the bike, there is a HUGE hill you have to climb. I’ve always had to gear down (or is it up) in to my easiest gear to get up the hill on my road bike. I’m not sure how my TT bike is going to handle this big hill…twice (you have to do the bike loop twice).
- I’m still trying to figure out how I can eat less processed foods. My friend Katie gave me some great ideas when she commented on my post, but it’s still on my mind.
- Last but not least, I don’t know if I’m overthinking or what, but I’m debating whether to end the relationship I’m in. This is the first relationship I’ve ever had and I’m 32 years old. That means I’ve had MANY years where I haven’t had to feel tied down to anybody. I finally have felt good and happy being single, and then comes along my first boyfriend. Plus, I’ve got friends that are like “you’re going to get married” and they keep pressing the marriage issue. We’ve only been together 2 months. Plus, he’s just not what I pictured myself being with. No, he’s not a triathlete (I know that’s a far-fetched wish), he doesn’t run, he’s not physically active at all, but he is a GREAT supporter. I always thought I’d be with someone closer to my age. He’s 10 years younger than me. I’ve always wanted my spouse to be the bread-winner of the family, and I would definitely be the bread winner. It scares me to have kids. It scares me to move farther with this relationship because if we have kids, I know that means my triathlons/marathons, etc. automatically takes the back burner. I’m not physically attracted to him at all. I don’t know if I’m looking for excuses or if these are really valid reasons, you know? I just don’t know. Tonight he texted me and I told him that I was having a hard time sleeping and he said he cuddle with me if he could and that just made me shudder. It hasn’t before, but it was just like I felt like I want my personal space, ya know? I just don’t know. I really don’t know. I know my Mormon friends are going to say to pray about it, but I’m SO not a prayer. I just feel weird praying. I think some of my friends would say I’m looking for excuses, and in a way I feel like I would be, but in a way I don’t. I don’t know if I’m just scared because I’m in a situation I’ve never been in before. I just don’t know. Gah! If I decide to break up with him, how do I do it gently?
So, those are my thoughts that are keeping me up tonight. Any opinions you’d like to share?