Anxiety In a New Relationship

Brandon and I have been going out for a month now. Today we had a new experience together. I’d like to get your feedback on it & any suggestions you may have.

Last night after Keys on Main, I went to Brandon’s house and spent the night with Brandon. We slept on the couch. I found it odd that on my way out to his house I was just exhausted, but when we went to bed, I just couldn’t get comfortable and tossed and turned A LOT last night. I finally fell asleep sometime around 3:00 – 4:00 a.m. (I think).

Last time I checked, the couch wasn’t the most comfortable place to sleep, so I woke up with my back hurting, plus my hip and the rest of my body was hurting from my long run yesterday. I didn’t have any pain meds of any kind I could take. Brandon only had Advil at his house and I can’t take Advil.

This pain was frustrating. I couldn’t sit comfortably. I couldn’t lay down and be comfortable. Nothing. When I get paid like this, because there’s nothing I can do about it and because I couldn’t get comfortable, that triggered my anxiety. I could just feel my anxiety start to rise. It didn’t help matters that I didn’t sleep well for the past 2 nights.

Poor Brandon, he offered to help me and see if there was anything he could do for me, but when I get in to a panic/anxiety attack like that, I don’t even know what to do, let alone tell someone else what to do. My anxiety was managable and hadn’t reached a SUPER bad point yet, but if I kept at it, it was just going to skyrocket. My body temperature was rising, I was starting to get sick to my stomach, and being hot and uncomfortable and in pain, things just weren’t going well.

So…I left Brandon’s house and came home. I was going to spend the whole day with him. I was looking forward to spending the whole day with him, but the anxiety was just taking over. I felt terrible leaving, but I knew in order to get my anxiety under control and to be able to manage the uncomfortableness of pain I was in, I had to leave.

I called my friend Heather on my way home and talked with her about it. Heather suggested that after I came down off of my anxiety I needed to really analyze and see what caused the anxiety and think of what Brandon can do to help next time this happens.

Do you have any suggestions on how to handle anxiety in a new relationship? This is the real first anxiety attack I’ve had with Brandon present. Honestly, I think it was just because of the pain and the uncomfortableness I was in that caused it. Thankfully Brandon understands anxiety (he gets it too) and is there for me if I need him.

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3 thoughts on “Anxiety In a New Relationship”

  1. the only way to handle this is to be up front. my last boyfriend had no idea what i go through on a daily basis regarding my back pain. he just assumed i was lazy lol. finally we started using a 1-10 scale (as in, i’m an 8 today, so can we run those errands tomorrow?) and that made a 300% difference in our interactions. luckily brandon has anxiety, too, so you have a head start. do a little googling about SUDS levels (subjective units of distress) and distress tolerance. i’m living almost a halfway normal life now, thanks to those tools. good luck xxoo

  2. Always hard to figure out what can trigger anxiety. Always a good idea to TRY to.. but I like the advice you were given – because you can’t always identify triggers.. just come up with a good game plan for when you have them.

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